Understanding Shame: A Path to Healing
Shame. It’s a feeling that sneaks up on us, often without warning. It can be triggered by a mistake, a judgment from someone else, or even an internal voice that tells us we're not enough. We’ve all felt it at one time or another, but have you ever stopped to ask yourself: Where does shame actually live in the body?
Emotions are not just abstract ideas or thoughts. They are embodied experiences. They live in our bodies and can cause physical tension, discomfort, and even pain if not processed or released. This is especially true for shame. Let’s take a deeper dive into how shame affects us physically and how we can begin to heal it through a somatic lens.
What is Shame?
Shame is often described as the feeling of being unworthy, defective, or “bad.” It’s not just about feeling guilty for something you’ve done; it’s the belief that something is wrong with who you are.
Unlike guilt, which tends to be tied to a specific action (e.g., “I did something bad”), shame tends to attack our identity. It says, “I am bad,” “I am not worthy,” or “I don’t belong.” It can feel isolating, like a deep disconnection from ourselves or from others.
How Shame Shows Up in the Body
Trauma and difficult emotions like shame are stored in the body. This can be especially true for shame because it’s such a heavy, often overwhelming emotion.
When we feel shame, we might notice certain physical responses, such as:
Tightness in the chest: This is a common response when we feel exposed or vulnerable, as though our heart is physically closed off in defense.
Tension in the stomach: We might experience a knot in our stomach or even nausea, which can stem from the body's instinct to retreat from the discomfort of shame.
Drooping shoulders or bowed head: Our body language can mirror the experience of shame. We might unconsciously hunch forward or avoid making eye contact, which is an instinctive way to shield ourselves from the weight of judgment.
Tightness in the throat: The sensation of not being able to speak up, to express ourselves, or to ask for help is often associated with shame.
Heavy, slumped posture: Shame can make us feel small, insignificant, and invisible. We might physically shrink, trying to hide our presence.
Our body reacts in these ways because, on a deep, primal level, shame often triggers our fight, flight, or freeze response. But rather than running away or confronting the feeling directly, we tend to freeze or shrink in response to it.
Focus on awareness of the body and the physical sensations that arise when you experience emotions like shame. It helps us recognize these sensations, understand their impact, and work through them so that they no longer hold us back.
Here’s how you can start to support yourself when feeling shame:
1. Become Aware of the Body’s Sensations When you feel shame, pause and check in with your body. What is happening physically? Are you tightening up in your chest, feeling a heaviness in your stomach, or noticing a sense of constriction in your throat? By identifying these sensations, you can begin to separate the emotion of shame from the physical experience of it.
2. Use Grounding Techniques Grounding helps you reconnect with the present moment, breaking the cycle of shame-based thoughts. You can do this by:
Feeling the soles of your feet on the floor or the ground beneath you. This simple act reminds you that you are supported and stable.
Holding onto an object like a soft blanket or a small stone to give you something tangible to focus on.
Slowly noticing your environment (what you see, hear, and feel), which can help you shift your focus from the internal shame to the external, calming world.
3. Shift Your Posture When we feel shame, our posture often reflects a desire to hide. Try consciously shifting your posture—sitting or standing tall, opening your chest, and lifting your head. These small changes can send signals to your nervous system that you are safe, capable, and worthy. Over time, this can help to counter the internal message that you are “small” or “bad.”
4. Practice Self-Compassion One of the most healing things you can do for yourself in the face of shame is to practice self-compassion. Rather than judging yourself or pushing the feeling away, try to offer yourself understanding. Acknowledge that shame is a universal experience—it doesn’t mean you’re alone, broken, or unworthy. It simply means you’re human.
Moving Beyond Shame
Shame is a deep, painful emotion, but with time, patience, and awareness, we can learn to work through it. By bringing attention to how shame shows up in our physical selves, we can begin to move beyond it not by ignoring it, but by acknowledging it and giving ourselves the space to heal.
Remember, you are worthy of compassion, kindness, and connection. Your body holds the wisdom to move through shame one breath, one step, and one moment at a time.
About Rooted Healing
At Rooted Healing, we specialize in trauma-informed care that goes beyond traditionl talk therapy. We utilize holistic approaches such as EMDR and Somatic Experiencing. If you’re looking to heal from past trauma, anxiety, PTSD, or other emotional challenges, we’re here to help you on your journey. Contact us today by clicking here to learn more about how these modalities can help you reclaim your life.
